MUD's 30th Anniversary Mudmeet

The meet started for me at 9am. I awoke in a darkened room with little to no memory of the previous night (a common occurrence for me on weekends). I was in Worthing, I had alienated an entire restaurant by juggling spoons and stealing bread rolls and now my wife was upset with me. Luckily due to my boyish good looks and ability to build motor vehicles out of carrots, I managed to get her back on side. It was now 12pm. My phone buzzed with a text from Hawumph. “Hi Cf, Look I’m not as popular or handsome as you. What time you arriving?”

I decided not to keep him waiting so after drinking 4 pints of water and eating some bacon, I was on my way. I was nervous. My quiz had been written hastily and I was concerned it would end up like the previous quiz at the Nottingham meet in 2003 ... dont ask. Anyway, for the first time in my life I was on time for a meet. It was 1pm. I opened door of a lovely Tudor-style pub. It was sunny and in retrospect, it would be the last time I would see the sun for a long time and in I went. Before my eyes had even adjusted to the darkness of the pub, I shout went out of “CF!” I turned around to see a man in a cowboy hat, carrying bags and drinking ale. He introduced himself by his real name which was so irrelevant I didn’t even remember it. After a frustrating 45 seconds, I found out he was Royston and before long, I was surrounded by MUD players like flies around a fresh sharn from a dog who has been eating undercooked curry. Hawumph was there, with Vulnax, Thwomp and Dr Bartle ... and Roy Trubshaw! Drinks were had. I ended up sharing chips with Thwomp and had a long chat about all the times he battered me. More drinks were had. Now a lot of people had arrived including Hal, Zordell, Caboose, Cloud, Jamesbond, Blib, Gestur, Throwaway, Nero, Salvadore, Stormy, Some dude called Chaotic who seemed to think me and Hawumph were a lot more important than we were and also Jincks and Xena. We soon realised the area we were in was getting too cramped and so we moved into a basement which Richard said smelled like dust. I felt bad because I know he was once addicted to the dust back in the 1980s in Essex and im sure Vully did a few lines with him. Can I just be clear that I mean dust and not some slang word for drugs ok? I cannot have another law suit on my hands.

Now the party was in full swing. I was under pressure to start the quiz before I started getting drunk. I didn’t have the heart to tell everyone it was too late. But, people were missing. Zedar, Leak, Foddy, Karya and Dugtrio were all missing. After a few phone calls it became apparent that all were almost here bar Leak who had gone underground. No one knows why he didn’t show. Some say he was fighting mutant monks on Venus, some say he was naked and lost in Lebanon or most say he was drunk. Anyway, Foddy and Karya were here and the quiz could begin. Thus began what will be forever known as “THE MOST FRUSTRATING 15 MINUTES EVER”. The premise was simple enough. Each arch would be a captain. I gave every player a number between 1 and 4 and then they joined there teams. However, it became apparent that after much time was spent doing this, no one remembered their numbers ... The rage boiled inside me like a bubbling kettle being thrown around a beach by two incontinent monks.

Eventually, the teams were sorted and the quiz began. It went well. Everyone enjoyed it. Someone won I believe (Ed - team 2 won) and Hal wasn’t happy as per usual. We drank some more, comemerative dragons were given out ... Now my memories become vague ... somehow I ended up looking at dildo’s in a sex shop. We ate curry. I swear on my life I thought Cen and Hal were up to something out back. They were. They made a cake! Well ... 2 cakes ... one for MUDII and one for some other inferior game called British ... erm ... British something. Anyway, we ate curry, I rang Leak. After the meal, we somehow ended up back at the same pub again. I sprayed all of Hal’s shave gel all over the floor and a sign. I tried to juggle Karya and Foddy’s wine glasses. Liz took me home.

All in all a good meet was had by most.